Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
