I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
