Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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