love makes seman taste better
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
