I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
