Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So here I am, sexting at work.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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