I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
