Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
