Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
