what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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