five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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