Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i came on her dog
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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