He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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