Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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