need another drink. this is the easiest way
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
