are you so shy because you have an std?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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