Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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