tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
