for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
