I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
