I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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