I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
