I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
