Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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