And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
