Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
