are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
