i think my tv is drunk
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
