If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
