I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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