Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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