I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
