I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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