I wish I could punch you in the face.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
