He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
