he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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