A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
