last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
