the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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