whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
