i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
