can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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