i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
