Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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