I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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