We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
