Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
