I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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