worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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