OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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