Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
