My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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