Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
