dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
