Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
