dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i drank out of a bidet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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