Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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