I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
