they said they heard you say put it in my butt
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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