dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize