Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
