meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His hands were made for my vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
