And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
