had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Randomize
