2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
