Duck Duck Cougar?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
