you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
