How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
