i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
