It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize