Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
