youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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